суббота, 18 октября 2008 г.

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I slept for most of the day, but it felt so good.

I talked with Miki and read Doomwyte for a while. Iapos;m already at the last section of the book, the rest shouldnapos;t take long at all. I played a lot of drums today, I canapos;t wait to test it out on my teacherapos;s set tomorrow.

I was choosing where Miki and everyone else was going to eat for dinner and it ended up making me feel kind of upset, just because I wanted to be home with them for one last dinner all together as a family before Miki goes to Japan. I donapos;t know when weapos;ll be able to eat all together again. And I want to be with them so much rather than be here.

I decided maybe going to Eat apos;n Park to eat dinner would be a good idea. Despite the food, it wasnapos;t. Going to a restaurant alone is like being a wounded gazelle in the Serengeti. Immediately heads turn. People whisper. What is she doing all by herself? And of course it doesnapos;t help when a group of drunk kids show up and think its great fun to spend the whole time heckling me. Really? Is that all you know? Are you that pathetic? I called Bibsy to talk with him and it helped me feel better, but hearing about the good dinner all together kind of didnapos;t, not while I was walking home in the cold, wondering why people are so terrible and why Iapos;m still here when I canapos;t even get help from the adults.

I ended up stopping at the gym and singing as loud as I could, just to voice the frustration. Controlling my feelings for too long, trying to please you for too long. They make me dream your dreams.

Tomorrow is drums. Thatapos;s all I have to look forward to. Maybe Kevin will call or maybe he wonapos;t. Iapos;m not getting my hopes up. Its Mikiapos;s trip to Japan tomorrow, I hope it goes well.

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