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The worst thing about having to go through and privitize old LJ entries by hand is that one invariably ends up reading bits and pieces of them and feeling like an idiot.

In other news, was at a meeting for the 7a*11d performance art festival that I am going to be blogging for.
It was such a strange sensation to be sitting at a table with literally the greatest canadian performance artists ever. Warren arcand, johanna householder, glenn lewis, tanya mars. These are all people Iapos;ve studied in books; Iapos;ve read their books and watched their work. To then be sitting at a table listening them talk about what beers they like and how that new such-and-such musical group is horrible is almost disconcertingly humanizing.
Not that I begrudge them their humanity at all, but still, it is interesting.


In other, other news, this is the second time since the beginning of the month that we have no hot water in the apartment. This worries me.

If I were less busy I think I would be more worried about our abysmal road trip.

~Laine_{[hellooooobackproblems]}
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I dont know what to say,really...
3 minutes...to the biggest battle of our professional lives...all comes down to today...

Either, we heal, as a team, or weapos;re gonna crumble...
inch by inch, play by play...to weapos;re finished, weapos;re in hell right now, gentlemen...believe me...
and...we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us...or...
we can fight our way back...into the light...we can climb outta hell...
one inch at a time...

now, i cant do it for you...

Iapos;m too old...I look around, I see these young faces,and i think...
I mean, Iapos;ve made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make...I...eh...
I pissed away all my money, believe it or not...i chased off anyoneapos;s whoapos;s ever loved me...and lately,I cant even stand the face I see in the mirror...

you know, when you get old in life,things get taken from you...well thats....thats part of life...but, you only learn that,when you start losing stuff...you find out, lifeapos;s a game of inches...so is football...
because, in either game,life or football,the margin for error is so small,
i mean, one half a step too late, or too early, and you dont quite make it, one half second too slow, too fast, you dont quite catch it,
the inches we need are everywhere around us... Theyapos;re in every break of the game, every minute, every second
....on this team, we fight for that inch... On this team, we tear ourselves and everyone else around us, to pieces for that inch...we claw with our fingernails for that inch...because we know,when we head up all those inches,
thats gonna make the fucking difference, between winning and losing
Between living and dying

Iapos;ll tell you this: in any fight, its the guy whoapos;s willing to die,
whoapos;s gonna win that inch...and I know, if im gonna have any life anymore...Its because Iapos;m still willing to fight and die for that inch...because, thats what living is The six inches in front of your face... now, i cant make you do it, you gotta look at the guy next to you, look into his eyesnow, i think youapos;re gonna see a guy, who will go that inch with you...Youapos;re gonna see a guy, who will sacrifice himself, for this team, because he knows, when it comes down to it, youapos;re gonna do the same for him...

Thats a team, gentlemen...and, either we heal,NOW, as a team, or we will die...as individuals...thats football, guys...thats all it is...now, what are you gonna do?

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Sighs. I need ppl close t me t understand that my wrk is fucking tiring. Im not saying that its a big hooha that i wrking. Its definitely not. But i blardy hell have t wake up at 530 everyday and travel one hr t wrk. Den travel another hour back home. Its not the waking up early ttapos;s tiring me out. Its the travelling. Yes. I do not deny that iapos;ve neglected some friends. I dont even contact my secondary sch clique now when we used t hang out every single night. And the only reason why i stil get t spend time with my babygirl, its because she make the effort t come t my place t wait for me t end wrk everyday. If she didnt, i wouldnt have the extra energy t go look for her too. And, although she made the extra effort t come and wait for me at home, when im tired, i do throw my tantrum at her too. Ttapos;s like almost everyday. Now, my babygirl feels less loved by me. Cause im tired everyday. So its feels like although im jus beside her, im not there.

best, weapos;re both growing up. And itapos;ll come t one day whereby weapos;re so caught up with wrk that we dont even have as much time as we have now for each other. Its hard t accept. But its life. The only thing i can do now is t stick t meeting u guys once every week. Or else i will really be drained. If u ever need me, jus drop me a text or give me a call. Maybe even an email too. I will reply. But if im too tired, i will definitely take some time t reply.

now that travelling to and fro from wrk is draining me out i jus need that little bit of understanding from ppl close t me, even my babygirl. I dont wish t flare up at anyone. Cause u guys do know that when im tired, i get very frustrated.

gtg now. Bye



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I slept for most of the day, but it felt so good.

I talked with Miki and read Doomwyte for a while. Iapos;m already at the last section of the book, the rest shouldnapos;t take long at all. I played a lot of drums today, I canapos;t wait to test it out on my teacherapos;s set tomorrow.

I was choosing where Miki and everyone else was going to eat for dinner and it ended up making me feel kind of upset, just because I wanted to be home with them for one last dinner all together as a family before Miki goes to Japan. I donapos;t know when weapos;ll be able to eat all together again. And I want to be with them so much rather than be here.

I decided maybe going to Eat apos;n Park to eat dinner would be a good idea. Despite the food, it wasnapos;t. Going to a restaurant alone is like being a wounded gazelle in the Serengeti. Immediately heads turn. People whisper. What is she doing all by herself? And of course it doesnapos;t help when a group of drunk kids show up and think its great fun to spend the whole time heckling me. Really? Is that all you know? Are you that pathetic? I called Bibsy to talk with him and it helped me feel better, but hearing about the good dinner all together kind of didnapos;t, not while I was walking home in the cold, wondering why people are so terrible and why Iapos;m still here when I canapos;t even get help from the adults.

I ended up stopping at the gym and singing as loud as I could, just to voice the frustration. Controlling my feelings for too long, trying to please you for too long. They make me dream your dreams.

Tomorrow is drums. Thatapos;s all I have to look forward to. Maybe Kevin will call or maybe he wonapos;t. Iapos;m not getting my hopes up. Its Mikiapos;s trip to Japan tomorrow, I hope it goes well.

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Hey, Iapos;m Dan. I posted a while back, but I couldnapos;t remember my username or password, so I made a new one. I make sure to remember this�one, so here I am. I have a question about a cartoon and a toy.......

I remember a cartoon about a girl and there was this other girl. I think one of them was adopted or maybe both or maybe neither. I think was made in Japan. I remember the name Candy. Anyone know what Iapos;m talking about? I used to rent it on VHS as a kid.

i think these toys were quite small, tiny and there were many, many of them. Different�vehicles. I can picture them in my head, but i canapos;t remember the name..

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Somehow somewhere in the course of putting together as comprehensive and accurate a research note for the boss as possible, that strange sense of satisfaction is creeping back into my system. And for once in the longest, longest, time, I actually am finding joy in my work again.

Where have you been?? Please stay

(What a difference it makes when youapos;re not under immense pressure and frantically scrolling/typing out of sheer fear)


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Today sailed by. It was nice. I�was worried when I�awoke because I�had to finish all of my college plans in and I�was stressed about math and spanish and just life in general. I went to school, did work, absolutely kicked ass, and was just amazing. I flew through everything with ease as far as school work went. I�aced my math test, 30/30. Aced spanish, 35/35. And made it through.

School was great. Then football practice started. I like football I�guess, well at least the games. I�donapos;t really get to have that great of offensive games anymore because those plays are given to the better backs which is fine. I�like to shine on defense anyways. I�kick the shit out of kids on D-line. Itapos;s cool cause Iapos;m fast and stuff. It reminds me of this summer at wrestling camp when I�wrestled the heavy weights in the finals of the take down tournament and launched him in a firemans carry. I can be skilled as hell when I�want to. I�donapos;t get how I�do it though, Iapos;m sooooo... Not really athletic. ITapos;s cool. So football blew balls today anyways, I�get sick of the coaches sometimes when they chew me out. I�do what they want and then I�get yelled at more. Itapos;s just annoying and doesnapos;t really make me much better I�donapos;t think.�

Anyhowz I�came home and my sister left me a message on my voicemail crying because she didnapos;t know where I�went and was worried about me. I�lmao. Itapos;s nice she cares about me though, no one really gives a shit what happens to me besides my family. I�accept that and I�love that. Iapos;d rather have no one know my name. I�canapos;t wait till this year is over and Iapos;m done being president. That will be nice.

Till then I am tired as shit. And nothing really else deserves my attention. Including you.

peace nukka

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